Sackville awards Grandpa Higgs ‘Scrooge-of-Year’ plaque in secret ceremony

Ah George, thou shouldst be living at this hour, Sackville hath need of thee

Dear Warktimes Editor,

If the bronze-tanned George Stanley were still alive & kicking, I fear he’d be roiling in his grave at the news that his beloved Sackville has been swallowed up in “Entity 40” alongside Dorchester, Pointe de Bute and points in between.

Perhaps the inventor of our Maple Leaf flag would be heartened, however, to learn that town council has swiftly struck back by saddling Grandpa Higgs with its first (and last, I’m afraid) annual Ebenezer Scrooge award.

‘Twas done by way of a wink and a nod instead of a formal motion at one of those secret conclaves that council loves to convene.

Alas, a proposal — discussed at the same closed-door meeting — to open the Wildfowl Park to vehicular traffic with a Robin’s drive-thru at one end and a DQ at the other, got tossed in the trash can after certain councillors (I’m sure you’ve guessed which) bellowed in protest.

O where is the vision? Where is the vision?

But I digress.

Aside from imposing Sackville’s shotgun nuptials, councillors castigated Higgs for turning his back on the poor in typical Scrooge-like fashion.

A report last month from Statistics Canada revealed that New Brunswick came dead last among the provinces in 2020 for “social protection spending” — a category that includes support for people with disabilities, help for families and children as well as money for housing.

And, this while projecting an $89 million surplus.

Several councillors mentioned too that Sackville’s hospital has been put on life support and that Higgs is doing squat to resuscitate it.

One even quoted what was said of Scrooge before he repented and turned over a new leaf.

“Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner!”

OK, so maybe that went a bit far, but ’twas felt keenly by council that Grandpa should learn kinder and gentler ways.

And “Entity 40” ain’t one of ’em, they opined.

The elegant verse they inscribed on Higgs’s Scrooge plaque makes that clear:

Mister Stanley’s beloved and beautiful town
On the banks of the Tantramar muddy and brown
Has by Scrooge & his Tories been flushed clean away
Down the Entity 40 crapper & into the bay.

Yours faithfully,
XXXXXXXXXXXXX

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3 Responses to Sackville awards Grandpa Higgs ‘Scrooge-of-Year’ plaque in secret ceremony

  1. Christian Corbet says:

    I knew Col. Stanley very well he was a friend and colleague and my subject, in fact he commissioned me to sculpt his last official portrait (Coll. The Canadian Museum of History). I can say with great certainty he would not be singing the praises of the Town of Sackville or those who operate it by this silly act of informally naming Premier Higgs’ “Scrooge of the Year”. Their act of name calling whilst they’re in office acting in a professional capacity takes away from fair reasoning and overall good business ethics. What was their purpose to do this? They have far greater issues to be dealing with and they do this. Childish! Their silliness will not fair them well in the future when they wish to, and they will, have to work, with the government on our behalf. How else will the Higgs government react to such pettiness? Surely not in our favour.

  2. Bill Jones says:

    Jeez Christian, Just wondering if that “letter to the editor” wasn’t some kind of fancy spoof or satire even, kicked off with the lame line: “If the bronze-tanned George Stanley were still alive & kicking, I fear he’d be roiling in his grave.”

    Still alive and kicking yet rolling over in his grave? Nah, don’t think so. Surprising too that Warktimes editors would be taken in by such Tom Foolery.

    They must have “earned” their “degrees” at the King’s J-School, notable for its permissive laxities. You pays your money and you get your scroll!

    Note from Bruce Wark: As proprietor of this blog and a former King’s professor, I take umbrage at this comment, but am publishing it anyway to show how permissive and broadminded we can be at The New Wark Times. Bill Jones, you are hereby on notice. In future, please back up your claims or be prepared to defend them in a court of law.

  3. Kata List Productions says:

    We Are Tantramar .. that’s the hashtag .. those who believe in unity and getting along with your extended family of neighbours in this part of Canada… just be willing to listen to more voices, including people not in politics, you know.. the real people not with a big paycheque and politically correct agenda to work within. Thanks for the chuckles Bruce. Didn’t realize Christian was a friend of Stanley’s too… but that does make sense. Stanley was a highlevel change agent – his new flag invention changed our culture, forever.

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